And My Tears Poured Out...He is Gone

Today has been the day at the top of my dread list for the past few weeks. Not only is it one of the worst days in our nation's history, but Leo left today. The irony of him leaving for a country that had a huge impact on why our military is doing what they're doing has been numbing to me. I just want to yell at the guilty that because of their hatred towards us, my husband is gone away from his family until next spring.

This morning my tears have been on overdrive...making our bed and smoothing down our covers and thinking of how long it will be until my husband will be lying next to me made me bawl.

Pulling out of our driveway and admiring all of the hard work that he did this week to our yard and tree made me lose it.

Driving to the airport  brought on a new flood of tears and caused more mascara to pour down my cheeks.

And the goodbyes. Oh, how the goodbyes sucked. The hurt in my heart, the emptiness that was left by my side where my husband should be...it's killing me inside.

For the next six months my blog will be chronicling our days, our lives, our happenings for my best friend...I hope that by seeing the girls and reading my words it will help us all get through these next few months.

And if I'm sappy, crying, making no sense? I apologize in advance--but hopefully each day that goes by will make me a little happier knowing that I have one less day without my honey. 

The One Where I Cried...And Cried...

It's been an exhausting month. I'm not sure if Isabella is just having a lot of jealousy...or is craving more attention. But whatever is going on, it's been really, really hard on me. I know that not every day will be filled with sunshine, unicorns and butterflies...

What? You don't have unicorn days?! Those are the best kind of days....what I would do right now for a unicorn day.

*Sigh*

Anyway. I know that being a Mom is hard. I know that it is by far THE hardest job that I've ever had in my life. But today, after many "NO!" and "MOVE, MOMMY!" and beating up on Madelyn episodes I hit my emotional breaking point. The point that has been taunting me day in and day out for weeks now.

I'm sure a lot of you Mom's know exactly what point I am talking about. I raised my voice--which I hate doing. I've always tried really, really hard to NOT raise my voice...and I put her in her room. Madelyn was looking at me the entire time and it's almost like she knew I was about to lose it emotionally. I placed her on the floor, sat down and started crying.

It wasn't just a tear here and there, it was full on bawling my head off. Crying until I felt my eyes getting puffy. Crying until I was sobbing. Isabella came out of her room and saw me. She hugged me. Pleaded me to not cry, Mommy, don't cry...it's okay, Mommy....

And at that moment it was all okay. It's like crying right then for those few minutes cleared the foggy feeling in my brain that has been here for the past few weeks. I know there are so many more things that I could be crying about...but I had to cry today. I'm pretty sure it was the only thing that would have worked today.