It's been an exhausting month. I'm not sure if Isabella is just having a lot of jealousy...or is craving more attention. But whatever is going on, it's been really, really hard on me. I know that not every day will be filled with sunshine, unicorns and butterflies...
What? You don't have unicorn days?! Those are the best kind of days....what I would do right now for a unicorn day.
Anyway. I know that being a Mom is hard. I know that it is by far THE hardest job that I've ever had in my life. But today, after many "NO!" and "MOVE, MOMMY!" and beating up on Madelyn episodes I hit my emotional breaking point. The point that has been taunting me day in and day out for weeks now.
I'm sure a lot of you Mom's know exactly what point I am talking about. I raised my voice--which I hate doing. I've always tried really, really hard to NOT raise my voice...and I put her in her room. Madelyn was looking at me the entire time and it's almost like she knew I was about to lose it emotionally. I placed her on the floor, sat down and started crying.
It wasn't just a tear here and there, it was full on bawling my head off. Crying until I felt my eyes getting puffy. Crying until I was sobbing. Isabella came out of her room and saw me. She hugged me. Pleaded me to not cry, Mommy, don't cry...it's okay, Mommy....
And at that moment it was all okay. It's like crying right then for those few minutes cleared the foggy feeling in my brain that has been here for the past few weeks. I know there are so many more things that I could be crying about...but I had to cry today. I'm pretty sure it was the only thing that would have worked today.