I never really "got" breastfeeding before I had Brynlie. I semi breastfed/pumped and supplemented with Isabella. Madelyn refused to breastfeed and that was fine with me. Leo loved to help at feeding time and I got somewhat more sleep after Madelyn was born.
Brynlie is a different story entirely. Up until Leo got back from his deployment I never considered breastfeeding. My OB didn't ask me until Leo arrived home coincidentally. When my doctor asked me that afternoon--the very day that Leo stepped off that plane--how I would be feeding our newborn, I, without thinking twice, answered "breastfeeding".
Leo asked if I was sure, I nodded yes, I would love to try with Brynlie. I wasn't going to go down without a fight--and this fight was definitely worth fighting for.
I'm not going to lie, it was hard at first. Really hard. I felt like all that I did was nurse--around the clock. It took awhile before my milk came in so we would give the occasional bottle of formula. I know it's silly, but every time I gave her a bottle I felt guilty that I wasn't the one feeding her. I blame mommy guilt 100% for this thinking. After all, I did give my other two formula and there is nothing wrong with formula! It's just I wanted to breastfeed so badly with Brynlie.
As the days turned into weeks Brynlie and I became better and better at breastfeeding. I started listening for her cry when she wanted to nurse. Her formula supplements became less and less. I was getting happier and happier with each day that went by with no bottle.
Now? I am happy to say that Brynlie is 100% breastfed. She hasn't had a bottle in weeks. No formula, just momma. It's the best feeling to know that I did it. Believe me when I tell you that it was hard in the beginning and there were more days than none that I wanted to quit, give up. But I didn't. I pushed on. My body has kept up with a great supply for her demand. Brynlie is happy, healthy and thriving on the milk that my body makes.
I love watching her nurse. Her big eyes stare back up at me, her hand grabs onto my shirt. I love when her eyes are half closed and she drifts off to sleep. I love it when she smiles at me with that milky mouth (her nickname is milk mouth) and just beams up at me. It's heart melting. Love it. Love breastfeeding.
I didn't write this post to pound "breast is best" into your head or to knock formula. I formula fed all of my girls at some point, but now that I know that I can breastfeed? Ah-mazing. Do what's best for you, your baby, your life. Do what works for you, because we all know nothing is easy about being a mom.