The One Where Breastfeeding Begins to End...

Brynlie is *almost* 13 months old now. I am proud to say that out of my three daughters she has been my little breastfeeding champion.

Breastfeeding sort of just happened between us. I had planned to bottle feed and literally at the last minute I told my OB that I wanted to breastfeed. I got my hands on any and all breastfeeding literature that I could find. I watched many, many YouTube videos. I felt prepared.

After we both got the hang of it, because let's face it, breastfeeding is a two way street for both mom and baby, I loved it. I loved the feeling of calmness that would wash over me. I loved knowing that my body was doing what it was supposed to. I loved knowing that when I got overwhelmed I could escape with Brynlie to a quiet room and feed her.

As her first year crept forward I started to dread weaning. Why did she have to grow up so quickly? I love breastfeeding and I love the bond that it gave to us. I feel so connected towards my Brynlie.

 Once she turned one we started to cut out some feedings. I am pretty sure that this is way more emotional for me than it is for her. Now she is only eating at night and through the night. Pretty sure I am her pacifier, but right now I am just holding onto that. Selfish? Perhaps. But my hormones are so out of whack from this weaning process. I feel so sad, as if a part of me is fading away.

I know that the night will come that she will sleep through the night and not nurse at all. But until then? I will continue to treasure the night feedings and our time together.