Yesterday was a day of firsts. My first morning waking up without the snuggles and scruffy face of Leo. The first where our entire day is up to me--from the moment we are up and running to the moment I have to tuck them into bed with a story.
It's hard to describe the feelings that came over me this morning as I woke up happily and then suddenly realizing why I tossed and turned all nite long. He wasn't next to me.
I could have started my day just feeling sorry for myself and moping around declaring it the first of many more to come pajama days. But when I saw my girls' smiling faces at me? It hit me.
I am the strong one. I am the one to hold them when they cry and kiss them unconditionally. I am the one to greet them every morning with a kiss, a hug and a promise of a good day.
I kicked the other Chelle to the curb and started our day. We started with 8:30 mass which I have been a little nervous about doing by myself...but the girls? Did a fabulous job. No tantrums, fits, nada. Love my girls, it's as if they know that I need help right now...
The rest of our day was insanely busy. A trip to the park, some pb&j sandwiches, nap for Madelyn, vacuuming out my car, picking up dog...well, you know, the brown stuff outside...ew, cleaning both bathrooms, cleaning the mirrors and patio door.
We finished our day with a bubble bath, some tears for Daddy, and a reading of our favorite bedtime story, Knuffle Bunny Too (we love all of the Knuffle Bunny books--if you haven't read them before you must run out and see--they? Are one of our faves by far....).
Pretty sure my heart broke at bedtime with the tears...my chest felt like it was weighed down and I had to just breathe to calm down and be strong for the girls. They're just so little--even little Bella doesn't understand what "Daddy's gone for a long, long time sweetheart" means.
So until tomorrow, I love you all for your kind words, your prayers, your uplifting thoughts, your offers to come and visit you for a mini getaway. You have no idea how much you have comforted me in the past couple of days...thank you, thank you, thank you.
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16 comments:
Chelle,
My heart felt so heavy while reading this. I just cannot fathom how it feels, but I admire you so much for how strong you are being for your babies. You are one of the most amazing, phenomonal women I "know" and I have grown to absolutely love and adore you.
You and your girls are in my prayers for peace in your hearts and my prayers are with Leo for safety. I can't wait to read the post where you welcome him home with open arms and lots of kisses!!
We will keep you in prayer. While you are strong for your girls, please allow someone to be strong for you when you need it. I pray that your community is one that will meet your every need before you even know you need it.
Ahh, you made it. One day down. Take them all just one day at a time. (HUGS)
Oh Chelle my heart was just breaking for you reading this post. You are such a strong woman though, your girls are so blessed to have you as their mom! You will get through this, one day at a time. :)
{HUGS}
Chelle, my heart breaks for you. I cannot even imagine. But you are so strong and you will make it through this. He's two days closer to being home now. I love you girl. xoxo
Chelle!! Yay for a good first day! I hope the tough moments get easier and easier! How often are you going to get to talk to Leo? Do you know? You girlies are still in my prayers!
I feel so bad for you and your girls. You'll make it though. I can tell, you're a strong person.
i cried as i read your post.
i know those feelings, the tears, the not knowing what to tell the kids.
praying for you daily!!!
YOU CAN AND WILL GET THROUGH THIS!!!
This makes me so sad for you chick... I'm so sorry.
I'm glad you at least had a busy day with your girls. Just remember that the first day is already done! The hardest day is DONE! YAY! You're THAT much closer to seeing and holding your man again.
Just stopping by to send a hug...
Chelle,
I've been wrapped up in my own little newborn world, I didn't know that Leo was leaving *now*. Big virtual hugs for you.
My sister leaves for her tour in January, so I can understand, though of course, it's not the same as a husband, a daddy.
I'll be thinking of you often.
Big hugs! I hope the sad moments fly by, and the good moments drag on!! ;)
Awwwwwwwww you're a great mama to those girls and they are so lucky to have you!
I can say that throughout my husband's deployment I think that bedtime was always the hardest and when I'd miss him most. Let out those cries, you need them! Being a military mommy and wife is one of the toughest jobs in the world, you're a rockstar for all you do!!
i just can't even imagine! your post just broke my heart. not only did you manage the first day, but you accomplished a million things!! mommies are amazing, especially when you are doing on your own. thinking of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chelle- after my hubby was only out of town for three days, I just can't even imagine. I will be thinking and praying for you guys and hope the time passes quickly.
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