My Not So Miraculous Hair Oil...

I am a self admitted hair junkie. I love finding amazing products to keep my hair in perfect condition. I love getting my hair done by my new hair girl who is a miracle worker in all ways possible.

Imagine my surprise when the cool weather hit and my hair turned into a disgustingly dry mess. It was awful. I resorted to throwing my not so lovely locks into a quick ponytail and went on with my life.

Until the day I was doing some Google research browsing and stumbled upon using olive oil in your hair. Genius! We had plenty of olive oil and I announced to Leo that I was going to take a shower.

I went into the kitchen and got a measuring cup. I filled it up part way with water and then added the olive oil. I popped the concoction into the microwave and once it was done getting warm I took it into the shower.

I had tested the mixture with a dip of my finger-not too hot. Perfect. My hair was about to be awesome.

I wet my hair and decided to test the oil one more time to ensure that is was not too hot. I dipped in three of my fingers to stir it up. 

F&*#!!!

That is what came out of my mouth screaming. I had just managed to scald three fingers. I should have taken that as a sign to just stop, but no, I ignored this warning. 

Once I recovered and deemed my oil miracle safe, I used my one good hand and I very carefully drenched my hair with my oil miracle. As doing so I kept picturing perfectly soft hair. I envisioned strangers coming up to me to ask me what my secret was, and I would tell them with a whisper it's olive oil...

Snapping back to reality I rinsed out my hair. Huh. It wasn't rinsing out as well as I thought that it would. 

I did another rinse.

And another. 

My hair felt like a water repellent. I quickly dumped some shampoo on my head and scrubbed it. Crap. This was so not going as planned.

After drying off I went into the living room filled with shame and embarrassment. I had one hand that wasn't functional. And even worse I looked like a duck that had been rescued from an oil spill. 

Leo thought that this was hilarious. I told him once I blow dried it that my hair would be stunning.

I went and dried my hair. I looked into the mirror with sadness. My hair was not beautiful. It was sure as hell wasn't soft. It looked that I hadn't washed my hair in months. 

I learned something very valuable with this hair fail: never stick my hand in a water/oil microwaved mixture. 

NEVER.

Why Can I Not Find a Hair Stylist?

Seriously. Enough with the horrible hair stylists. The last two that I went to here in Mississippi have been awful. As in their hair skills are way below satisfaction.

I don't think that I am asking much.

I want someone to not leave 1/2 inch of roots showing from my highlights. I mean, come one. Put the foils up to the top. Apply hair color. Voila.

When I say that I want highlights, but want them to look natural, don't practically color my entire head of hair blonde. Totally not natural. And for the record--blonde isn't orange. Just sayin'.

When I bring in a picture (in color to even help said stylist out) please listen to me. Please, please, please study the picture, study the texture of my hair and tell me if you don't think that this is possible for my hair or your skill level. Don't glance once at the picture and not look at it again.

Don't have your male coworkers feeding you bites of cake while I am your client. Right then and there I decided that this place was not for me.

Don't try to have my buy clip on feathers for my daughters. Not interested. I saw the racks when I walked in. If I was interested I would buy them when paying. Not when I am sitting in the chair wondering who else would come and feed you some bites of food.

My hair currently looks like crap. From the hack job to the horrible highlight job, I am upset. I know it's just "hair", but that is one area of my life that I feel like I have control of. Not to mention that I am paying a lot of money to get my hair "professionally" done.

Someone suggested another salon--much closer to my home and they even have portfolios of their work. It looks like they have fixed quite a few bad hair jobs from their pictures...I am praying that this one works out. I can't keep going home to Missouri to have my #1 girl fix my hair every month!

Now the countdown is on until I go and get my hair done again. 7 1/2 weeks to go. I may beg and plead and cry to Leo that 5 1/2 weeks would be much better...

Thanks for listening...just not happy with my hair...*sigh*

"The Rachel" Gone Wrong...So, So Wrong...

I am pretty certain that I'll remember the day I went in for "The Rachel" for the rest of my life. In fact, I am sure that when I have grandchildren I will be telling this story and having them laugh at me and bring it up at every single occasion like my sister does...

Hope you're ready to laugh your ass off at me hysterically--it is pretty funny {now that 15 years have gone by!}...

I was getting ready to go into my Junior--or was it Senior?!--year of high school. Now for those of us who have been graduated for longer than a couple of years let me refresh our aging memories a bit. High school is that awkward time. Breakouts, hormones, broken hearts...it's amazing I have any happy memories left after all of that! It's the time where you "think" you're an adult only to now laugh hysterically when thinking back how "grown up" you were. It's the time when you can still eat a lot--but you have to lay off the junk a little bit or else that prom dress won't be as flattering.

Basically, in a nutshell, it was hell. To make me feel a little better about myself my Mom asked if I wanted to go to her hair stylist at the time. Heck yeah! I don't think I really got my hair "done" so to say. I would get a cut here and there, but nowhere as nice as this place.

Image from here

When the big day arrived I knew exactly what cut I wanted. Uber popular and super cute, I just knew that "The Rachel" would transform my life--I would have the haircut that would make all high school boys think that I was gorgeous. I couldn't wait to show up for the first day of school looking like Rachel!

I go into the salon with my sister and Mom. I may have been late to the appointment. I can't remember. Oh--and my sister swears to this day I bumped a man in the parking lot with my car. I have absolutely NO recollection of this--but she laughs hysterically and says, "Do you remember when you bumped that guy in the parking lot when you got your hair cut?? Bwahahahaha!"

And then I tell her no, I do not. That is a lie and I know I would remember something like that happening...

Oh. So back to the story.

Tell the stylist exactly what I want--I mean, everyone knew what "The Rachel" was back then. And I'm pretty sure a lot of us still know what it is today. I'm sitting in the chair, she's cutting away and I remember thinking that I was the luckiest girl in the world, I couldn't believe that I was getting "The Rachel" and I couldn't wait to go cruising with my girlfriends and meet boys and...

I looked in the mirror. And this is what was staring back at me:

Image from here

I had a MULLET!! I just sat there and wanted to cry. I hated it. Hatedhatedhatedhated it!

My Mom kept telling me how much she loved it {to this day she claims it was cute...riiiight....} and I think my sister laughed right then and there. I ended up wearing hats galore that summer and my new bff were bobby pins. It was awful. 

*Shudder* I bet I'll have nightmares tonite with mullets appearing....seriously....

Have you ever had a horrible yet highly hilarious hair malfunction?? Please tell me at least one of you have?! If not, just make one up....I'm kidding {sort of....}