I Thought You Were Gone.

Last Tuesday evening (Isabella's 5th birthday) I had a scare.

The worst pregnancy scare a momma could have.

I was rushed to the ER where the doctor told me my hcg levels were very low.

Where they told me this could be the beginning of a miscarriage.

My heart and earth shattered. I cried. I sobbed. I tucked myself into a dark hole.

Another miscarriage? Why?

I got my hcg levels checked on Friday. A little over 48 hours since my last draw.

I waited patiently, knowing that the results would be not what I prayed for.

I answered the phone on the first ring.

The doctor asked me how I was doing. I told her okay. Just okay.

She surprised me.

"Your levels have more than doubled since the ER visit."

What? How is this possible?

She explained to me that some women bleed in pregnancy. No explanations, they just did.

I had my ultrasound yesterday.

5 weeks 4 days.

Still pregnant.

Gestational sac? Check. Yolk sac? Check.

I am still pregnant. Very, very scared. But very, very pregnant.

Girl? Boy? The BIG Reveal...

Today was the day. The day. The day where I found out if the babe was a boy which I had assumed the entire time or a girl which would add to my princesses.


Before I go on, I have to say that today was bittersweet for a few reasons--mainly Leo being away. It's been hard on me the past month or so just realizing that he wouldn't be here to share in my happy day. In a way it didn't bother me as much today as I had imagined it would. Partly because since being a single, expectant mother of two under the age of four has grown on me--or rather I have grown into the roll.


Anyway. The day. Thank God my appointment was at 8:00 this morning--and my sweet friend came and watched the girls for me due to no children allowed for the appointment. I left around 7:00 and was so giddy! I had a hard time falling asleep last nite wondering if our last baby would be a son or a daughter.


So...we? Are having a....




GIRL!!


Our little Brynlie (pronounced Bryn-Lee) will be here on/around May 24th. I'm in love with my sweet baby so much and feel incredibly blessed right now to be the Mom of three, yes three, princesses!


And believe me--I've heard in the past 11 hours that I've known Brynlie was a "she" if we would keep trying for a boy. That my friends? Is a post for another day...(short answer in case you are wondering--no...we are done with babies. Three girls? Amazingness. I couldn't ask for anything more).

First Ultrasound Pics...

This morning was my first ultrasound--I was a little nervous, but more excited--and even sad that Leo had to miss out.

The girls were so tired--we had to leave our house before 8 am--but they were troopers. Well, partly because mommy had Dum-Dums and promised a muffin to them from the coffee shop as a thank you for being good treat.

The baby was adorable--yes, even by that picture he/she is beyond cute. Baby G started wiggling their booty and danced a little and the heartbeat? Such a beautiful sound. *loves* Oh--hr was 179. Another girl perhaps?

My due date has changed, which doesn't surprise me considering I got a negative test before Leo left....the new date? May 24th. It's a perfect day in my eyes and I am willing to bet this little one will be debuting early...

So, here I am in all my glory. 9 weeks pregnant on Tuesday. Still feeling exhausted. Nauseated. Grouchy--but that's improved! Once I regain some energy I will be more of a regular poster/commenter. I miss you all tremendously...

The Final Countdown! And a Couple of Randoms Thrown in...

I had my 32 week check up today and it went wonderfully! Madelyn is still kicking around and her heartbeat was in the 150's.

I also get another ultrasound--yay!

They want to make sure she isn't too small due to me being on Advair to control my out of control asthma. They reassured me that she more than likely is growing accurately, but it's just a precautionary measure in case she is on the smaller side.

After my appointment was over I scheduled my next appointment...it's in early July...and after that? I go in every single week! I can't believe it's this close to her due date. Unbelievable!

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This afternoon after our Isabella's nap we decided to wash all of Madelyn's (that is how we've decided to spell it...too cute!) bottles, towels, washcloths, bibs.

As I was taking out the new towels (which are adorable--got 'em at Target and they are too cute for words!) Isabella took one look and said, "PRETTY!" with so much heart. It totally melted this momma's heart.

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Isabella loves my dad--she calls him Papa and always wants to see pics of him--whether on our fridge or our wedding pictures.

She has now discovered a little flip album that we have with some pictures from a few years ago.

She flips through it and says, "Papa, papa, papa" and looks at all of his pics.

What can I say--he was the first person that ever got her to laugh! He is a pretty funny guy *smile*

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And one last bit of random...and this has really bugged me. Maybe it's my hormones, but nonetheless...

Last week I got a text message from a girl I knew in Turkey. I have never hung out with her here in Mississippi and we never hung out in Turkey. I just knew her. Nothing more.

She asked me if Leo had told me about her baby shower.

Um, no...and when did the invites go out? Did I miss something?

She told me she e-mailed him with the info on Monday (this was Wed or Thurs I think)....I wanted to tell her that he is extremely busy at work and doesn't have time to go over e-mails that often that aren't work related.

Anyway, I told her we had plans so I didn't think I could make it. I even wrote her on Facebook to tell her.

I didn't hear anything back from her. I assumed she was mad or didn't really care if I went. I mean, after all, it's not like we HAVE EVER HUNG OUT!! And it really ticked me off that she has never asked me to do anything, but all of a sudden she's having this baby shower and wants me to attend? For what? A free freaking gift?! I don't think so. I have my own toddler and baby on the way thankyouverymuch.

So, after my appointment today I'm driving home and here my text alert. I waited until I got home to see who it was.

Guess who.

It. was. her.

She asked me what happened, that it made her "sad" I didn't go.

I told her, listen, we had family plans. I told her via text and Facebook. I had a bad week last week--the last thing I wanted to do was talk to someone who doesn't really want to be my friend (I didn't tell her that last part...but I was tempted to tell her exactly what I thought of her).

She then keeps texting me. I kept telling her I was sorry. But really?! What did she expect?!

She then called me a punk a$$--although she put "lol" after it. Wow. Sooo funny. Really.

And she then made her point that "only 5 people bothered to show up and it really hurt her feelings".

At this point I wanted to tell her, at least you got a shower!!! I'm not getting a shower and you don't see me sending out a last minute e-mail to people I knew of in another country but never hang out with.

Sorry that was so long. She just really got under my skin. I can't stand fake people. I can't stand people who use me. And I can't stand it when someone pretends to be my friend so I'll do something which benefits them.

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That's all for now....

Oh-one more thing!

I need to start thinking of what kind of birthday cake I want for my 21st 30th birthday on Sunday. Any yummy suggestions out there? Chocolate now gives me heartburn. It's very tragic! So anything besides chocolate out there?

Anything?

The Big Ultrasound Reveal!

I got an urgent e-mail from my sister this morning. She told me it had been nearly a month since I had posted last.

Really?!

A month?

Where has the time gone?

I can honestly say that I have been relaxing and enjoying time with my family. We took a ride on a friend's boat in the Gulf to a secluded island where the sand was white and the water was crystal clear. Isabella had a blast collecting seashells and having a picnic on the beach. It was heaven.

We've enjoyed days at the park, trips to the ice cream shop and shopping downtown.

Time really seemed to just stand still the past few weeks and I've loved it. Snuggling with my little girl and feeling Baby G kick and play in my tummy.

Heaven.

Back to my original post though....(I swear, I have the worst case of pregnancy brain!)

I am now 20 1/2 weeks pregnant--a little over the halfway mark. Unless this little one decides to make a late debut like their older sister.

The ultrasound went wonderfully. I was so nervous the entire time...the tech was pretty quiet and I was just there on the table daydreaming away and praying that everything was okay.

He then went and got Leo and Isabella where we got a couple of cute pictures and chatted. The baby weighs 13 oz and is right on for size. Heartbeat was in the mid 150's.

Then we found out the sex....

We...

are......

having........

a..........................

GIRL!

We can finally call her by her name, Olivia Diane.

And I just can't wait to meet our little Olivia!

We are beyond thrilled, blessed and just grinning ear to ear. What a great St. Patrick's Day this was!

We Have a Heartbeat!

We had an amazing ultrasound today!

They spotted our little one right away and he/she was waving at us!

You could see their umbilical cord and boy, this baby was active--just like their big sister.

The heartbeat was a strong 168 and my doctor (who is the same one who delivered Isabella 15 months ago) said that the baby is perfect.

Thank you for your kind words, thoughts and prayers. You all really helped me through today.

Faith Over Fear

Tomorrow is the big day.

Our first ultrasound.

I am scared. Nervous.

And a crying wreck.

Since 2005's blighted ovum (my miscarriage), I don't think I'll ever go into a pregnancy carefree, happy, excited.

So many moments are filled with dread and being scared.

This will change once I feel the baby move, but the past couple of days have been hard.

Filled with fear, filled with tears and filled with Leo reassuring me that everything is, in fact, okay.

I've read so many heart breaking blogs on pregnancies where something horrible happened. The unimagineable, my biggest fear.

Please, God, please let everything be okay tomorrow.

Because we get to see our little one at 9:45 am. And the one thing I really, really want?

Is a healthy, strong baby with a little heartbeat that will fill our ears with happiness and relief.

So until we are there, I must remember my favorite quote.

Faith over fear.