Back in May of 2005 I had a miscarriage. It was shocking, sad and it honestly took Leo and me a long time to mentally feel better. It was a blighted ovum and my symptoms of a miscarriage weren't the typical miscarriage symptoms when you think of what someone may go through.
Anyway. With both girls I was paranoid and freaked out for the entire first trimester. Once I could feel them move around I was pretty comforted for the rest of my pregnancies. With Leo gone I swear my paranoia is in overdrive. I am terrified that something is wrong, that I'm not pregnant, scared of every twinge and feeling. I'm also freaked out because I am nowhere near as sick as I was with the girls. With Madelyn I took a break from blogging I was so sick...and here I am with this pregnancy. A little nauseated, but not too bad.
I hate feeling like this. And to make matters worse I am alone here, you know? I have the girls, but I can't exactly talk to them about it. They do make me feel better just knowing that I have them already--does that make any sense? Probably not...I'm sure this post sounds like a lot of rambling, but I just need to get it out.
I know there is nothing that I can do except pray that everything will work out. I wish I knew when my first ultrasound was going to be. I have my first appointment with the nurse tomorrow to turn in my paperwork. Maybe they will help ease my fears? Ugh. Who knows...the military health care system is totally different than most health care systems.
So, here I am 8 weeks pregnant today and praying my little heart out that everything is okay...and sorry if this post just jumped around and had your head spinning. I just really needed to get out my fears and realize that I cannot always control every aspect of my life--no matter how much I wish that I could.