Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Parenting. Pour a Glass of Wine for This One...

Last nite I was browsing through blogville and came across a blog that at first I thought sounded interesting, but it soon left me, well, pissed off.

The post that made my blood boil was the one where she ended it saying something like this:


If your child doesn't know how to act, don't bring them in public.

Um. Excuse me? I realize that in your line of work {retail} that you come into children every. single. day.

But guess what? Most of us have to shop with our child/children. It's not as if we always want to--believe me--when they start crying and screaming? I want to shrink back into a hole until they come down. I want to turn us all invisible and soundless until the storm clears away. But we can't.

It goes on and on and on--about trying to "help" the parent in the situation {which fyi? stay out of it. you aren't helping and it usually turns the situation even uglier}.

I was thinking of leaving a comment and decided not to. Until I read the comment from one of her readers. Here it is--and I am quoting this to not get it wrong:

"Hahahaha!!!!!! I was a cashier (at Wal*Mart of all places, so you know I saw A LOT) for 3 years (during hs and college) it's hillarious because this sounds like rants I went on *all* the time! :D And trust me, as someone who is now a mom I still totally and 100% feel the way that you just wrote!!! My daughter has never once had a temper tantrum in a store. If you raise your kiddos RIGHT they DON'T!!!! It's that easy!"

Ohnoshedi-int.  I was furious. I quickly clicked on her name to see if she, herself, was a mother. And *gasp* she was. So, what I gather is that her child has never thrown a fit? A tantrum? Anything?!

This woman should write a book--because clearly myself, who thought I was raising my children "right"--am doing it all wrong. I would LOVE to hear her thoughts. Her tricks. Her secrets. Maybe she is this "Super Mom" I hear so much about all the time, but that I have never been able to be.

Maybe it's me and my PMS, maybe it's because my girls were grumpier than ever--but the whole post and especially that ignorant comment made me irate. What happened to moms supporting other moms? Is that just the way our country is now? I know that anytime I hear/see/witness a child acting up in any way, shape or form, I feel for that parent. I know exactly how it feels when everyone is staring at you and saying rude, inconsiderate and uncalled for comments about your parenting skills.

So, readers and followers, what is your opinion in this? Do you think that parents who have a child that throws a tantrum or dares to misbehave in public should be belittled and made to feel like they aren't parenting correctly? Or do you just want to give them a hug--as is the case with me.

Can't wait to read your comments--this should be an interesting topic...

49 comments:

amanda said...

uhm clearly this woman is just a pretend mom. no fits ever? really? really? (using seth and amy's voice from snl) i hardly doubt it.

i remember before beans truly never judging those parents while out in public - knowing full well that my days were coming. and instead of turning an ugly eye, i tried to always turn a sympathetic one.

tinahead81 said...

holy cow!! i'd like to send both of them a virtual bitch slap! children can not be angels 100% of the time! if one of my kiddos has a meltdown in public, it doesn't mean that i deserve the "most terrible mother of the year" award. it probably means that said child is tired, annoyed, grumpy, overstimulated, etc...those things have nothing to do with parenting!

my son threw a fit while we were @ walmart(than-you-very-much), and hubs was mortified because people gave him the stink eye...i told him not to worry about it...those people probably don't have kids! jerks!

unbelievable. now i'm annoyed!

Mrs.Mayhem said...

The woman who left the comment said that her child had "never once had a temper tantrum in a store." Does that imply that the commenter doesn't bring the child shopping with her often?? Maybe the child is scared of her mother's temper?

Whenever I see someone with a child throwing a temper tantrum, I do want to hug the mother. I have been in that position many, many times.

All children have temper tantrums occasionally. Children are people. No one (not even parents) can behave perfectly ALL the time.

Ali @ Mommie Life said...

Oh my goodness!! Just yesterday I was in the check out line in Target, up until then my 6 month old had been an angel but by the time I got to the check out counter she was tired and done! She started wailing while I tried to find my wallet and put the bags in the cart as quickly as possible!! I wasn't about to get her out of her car seat... it just wasn't possible and I tried giving her the binky and some toys but neither of those were doing the trick!!

The guy behind me didn't say anything and didn't seem aggrivated either... I'm guessing he was a parent and felt kinda bad for me!

Apparently I don't want to run into this little biatch...

She probably scares her children into silence at home and they're deathly afraid to make any kind of noise around her!! Poor Kids!! :)

Some people...

haleyv6 said...

ha ha ha...this mom is ONE WORD >>> CLUELESS! Every kid throws fits. Maybe she was lucky enough not to have a major one in public...that does not give her the right to say we are raising our kids wrong.
Hilarious!!!

G-Zell said...

MAYBE she plays a mom on TV because seriously that is FANTASY LAND.

I have 4 children: 15, 14, 4, 1 1/2 boys and girls... THEY ALL threw fits! Alright!

I am Puerto RICAN and we are known to be FREAKN strict and darn KIDS still throw fits...

The boys have a different father and my girls have a different father...

LET me tell you JOSE was rican so he was over the top... they threw fits,,,

Jeff is calm and mello and still throw fits...

THEY BOTH are fantastic fathers.. AND hello I am MOTHER of the year ! That's right! LOL....

SO whatever , HOW about if you don't like to deal with the public get another job....

WELL that is my opinion anyhow whew... I think I am pmsing too.. darn it CHELLE were are sisters LOL

Stepping On Cheerios said...

Pa-Lease! That's a joke.

Hattie said...

That lady that commented is either a liar or has a tiny baby! Just wait it'll happen to her b/c it happens no matter how well behaved your children are.

My heart goes out to the mom or dad when I see them trying to control a screaming kid. I think we (great mothers) have all been there. Face it, a baby/child is going to get cranky, tired, or hunger while out in public at least one time in their little life. Shoot I get P.O.ed when I'm any of those things!

Allikaye's Mama said...

Blah! Tantrums are real and they suck. But no reason to be in denial! Embrace the tantrums! hehehe! I am with ya!

Heather B. said...

Well, you all ready read my comment on her blog so you know how I feel!!! ;)

Lin said...

I'm totally torn on this subject. Not because I believe it's actually the parents fault when a child acts up but because Ive totally been guilty of making faces when stuff like this happens. I should however mention that most of the time when I'm making a face it's not so much at their parenting skills but at the fact that they're more interested in picking out a new shirt or tool than the crying child on the floor. Moms, please dont beat me up for this comment cause I totally feel like giving hugs to those of you who are honestly trying to control your un-consolable child but there are some parents out there that give GOOD parents a bad name.

Lynette said...

Um...yeah. If you truley believe there is a child out there that has never thrown a fit in a store, I have some ocean front property in Arizona to sell you.
What-ever!
As far as how I feel when I see it, it depends on the parent's reaction. If they are trying to stop the tantrum, or truly seem upset over the situation, then yes, I feel bad for them. If they are chatting on their phone, or oblivious to what is going on around them, then I feel bad for the child.
Either way, I think its quite ignorant for someone to say that raising children "right" will prevent tantrums.
Excuse me while I go find my eyes....they must have rolled out of my head :P

Mc Allen said...

Uhhh, hmmm... WOW! Seriously, I sat and read this with my mouth wide open. I guess its possbile (not likely) that her kids are capable of never having a meltdown, but surly she has friends, sisters, brothers, cousins~ whom she sees that are raising kids in a loving home and disciplining them & yet they still act like children~ WHO ALL have days like this! Just plain wierd. Mayeb shes bored and just trying to get it alllll stirred up!! ... The comments in here made me lol. Great post!! xoxo LA

danielle said...

All, and I mean, ALL kids throw fits. It's going to happen sooner or later. When Lexi was 3 months old and right in the middle of colic, she was throwing the hugest fit in the mall. Nothing I did made a difference. I'll never forget the embarassment I felt because of the looks people were giving me. The only time I have a problem with fit throwing is when the parents aren't even trying to do anything about it. (Or the lady who drug her kid on his belly through the store.)

Amy said...

Pre-baby, I always rolled my eyes when some little bratty toddler/preschooler threw a fit while I was trying to eat my lunch/dinner.
Although, I still have issues with parents who let their kids run around while people are trying to eat.

My daughter is 15 months old and we've just begun our journey in this territory. Its gotten bad enough that we don't go out to dinner much anymore. All she wants to do is get down and run. That doesn't fly in my book. Sure, I know she's a toddler, just learned to walk, so she wants to explore. So, we just get take out or dine at home. Simple as that.

I'm really looking forward to the all out tantrums. LOL :)

KariewithaK said...

Okay clearly the woman who said her child has never had a tantrum must also shit Rainbows and Roses too right? Kids have bad days just like adults, tantrums are a result of them being tired, wanting attention, pushing boundaries with parents to see if they will budge or reacting to the parents moods and emotions.

I have had my twins throw a tantrum and I just ease them through because most of the time they are tired, hungry, ready to be done with what we are doing. THEY ARE KIDS! Sure parenting has a lot to do with it, but parenting means NOTHING about whether your child throws tantrums or not. Good parenting is what you DO WHEN YOUR CHILD HAS A TANTRUM. Do you yell and threaten them? Spank? Make matters worse? or do you calmly deal with the situation and smile because hey...kids and babies will act their age.

Okay off my soap box. xoxo

DeAnn said...

This lady is crazy.. I have no children.. and I work at Old Navy. as a second job..I see alot.. and I work for an orthodontist.. so kids, kids kids all day long.. and never not once have I ever insulted anyones integrity as a mother.. for starters.. it's clearly none of her business how other kids act and clearly none of MY business to judge anyone on how they parent.. just my ho..

Jessica Guthrie said...

This post will now have me thinking all night too! I have 3 girls 14, 10 and almost 2 so I am doing it all over again. I dread going to to the store sometimes. But i agree this lady should definately right a book on perfect kids perfect parenting. Maybe she is the Supernanny? LOL.

Eve said...

I remember 2 years ago when I was pregnant vowing I would never let my kid throw a tantrum in public....

Of course my Son is two now and I realaize how stuuuuuupid I was and I am confident to say I am a good mum and I am raising my son right, but that doesn't stop him from sometimes becoming overwhelmed by his emotions and not knowing how to handle them... Or just generally being a brat (which I totally always blame on my mother-in-law who spoils him and lets him get away with everything. omgihateher)

I'm kind of tempted for us all to go over there and give them crazies a peice of our minds and I would like to know how this mother is raising her child to not throw tantrums because the only thing I could think of to stop my son throwing tantrum would be to make him SO scared of me he wouldn't dare.

And I don't wanna do that, you know?

Angie said...

Wow - someone with perfect children.... I am impressed... (totally rolling my eyes...)

Lisa Campbell said...

All I have to say is LMAO!

Jenny said...

wait tell her kid does throw a tantrum! wish we could all be there to see that one...

if will were to have a major melt down, which we have had a couple...we just move away from that area until he is totally mellowed out.

MommyLovesStilettos said...

I find it hard to believe that she has a child that has NEVER thrown a temper tantrum. It happens! It's part of childhood. It's part of parenting.

People like that really irk me. We should be supporting eachother, not bashing eachother...especially over something like that!!!

Life with Kaishon said...

Get out of the city. My kid had tons of temper tantrums. I don't think it matters a squat if you raise them right. Kids still have tempertantrums. I HATE moms that think they are so much better than other people and they have all the keys to child rearing. Ridiculous.

Lucy said...

Wow, it is obvious that that blogger and her follower are of the minority in the land of parenthood. It's not you and your PMS, or your girls grumpiness....it's ignorance that leads to people stating such things. We're all trying, making attempts to be great parents and maybe for that individual tantrums in public places are not an issue but something must be. Like you I feel that if anything I feel for the parents of tantruming kids. I get embarassed when my son throws a fit, but for god sakes he is one and doesn't have words and even if he did he is not perfect. And as a parent i'd love nothing better than for another parent to come over to me and say something like, "can I help you," "i remember that phase."....just something other than "you should control your kid." You are a great mom, i can tell by reading your blog. And as for that other mom, her blogs fate is clear with this crowd. Have a great day.
Lucy

Much More Than Mommy said...

What. TheCrap. Ever. No fits? Psh. Then her children are obviously robots.

#1 Daughter was the type that was easy to bring out in public, but I didn't think kiddos having tantrums had bad mommies!! Good thing, because #2 Daughter has them ALL THE TIME! She's an awesome kid, but what other way do they have to tell us they're unhappy, really? And I'm not a bad mom, nobody is going to make me think that, and nobody should think that themselves! Because it's NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS! Either walk away or give a sympathetic look and MOVE ON!!!

Heather said...

A child NOT having a temper tantrum? Yeah right uh huh. Well I must be a bad mother cause both my children have tempter tantrums. And Diaper Diva is just getting started. She will throw her self down on the floor and scream. I must be the worst mother in the world.

Aphrodite's Mortal Friend (ME) said...

That woman whose kid never threw a fit in public doesn't really have any kids :-) She lies! And I'm your latest follower- Yippee! Stop by my place when you get the chance!

Brittney said...

OMG! can someone please tell me what raising them right means.. obviously i have it all wrong, my son throws fits all the time.. its embarrassing and its hard to deal with everyone giving you the stare of death! However, i know its normal... this lady must have the new and improved robot children that I HAVENT heard all about

Anonymous said...

I have a seven month old son and can honestly say... He has never thrown a fit in public. (He is usually too busy flirting with strangers. LOL) But then again, he's a freakishly good kid so I take that with baited breath knowing someday it will come.

As a nanny for several years, however, I have experienced kiddos throwing temper tantrums in public. What I always did was to find a distraction instead of letting the kid get away with it. (I.e. 10 month old little girl threw a fit so I handed her something out my purse to entertain her for five minutes.)

I think what most people frustrated with kids in public is there are a LOT of parents who just ignore their kid's screaming (for whatever reason, whether that be the "shrink in the hole and die" mentality or just not paying attention). THAT, to me, is ANNOYING AS HELL. If you are a parent and are brining your kids shopping... PREPARE FOR IT. Bring something small to keep in your bag for them to play with. Bring a small snack for them, if that will help. Be prepared for diaper checks and bathroom breaks. And if all else fails and your kid is crying in a store... DROP WHAT YOU'RE DOING AND TAKE THEM OUTSIDE. Don't put your rushed reschedule for shopping ahead of your child. IF YOU BRING YOUR KID, BE PREPARED TO END THE SHOPPING TRIP BEFORE YOU ARE FINISHED IF NECESSARY.

This incredible sense of "Since she's a mother, she must know!" is exactly what keeps me away from mom's groups, etc. Since when did parenting become such a competition and ragging on another mom for her experiences/opinions became right?

Krystyn said...

First of all, how is a child to know how to act and not act if they can't push the limits. That is how they learn.

What a bunch of coca-meme, that her kid has never thrown a tantrum or been disruptive in public. They must never leave their house.

I'm so glad you didn't link up, because I'd probably open my big mouth and get all nasty on that. Especially this week sitting in a classroom with a bunch of ungrateful and disrespectful kids.

Really, those are the instances that kids learn from. I don't know how you can teach it without it happening at least once.

My Mercurial Nature said...

Even the best parent will experience their child having an utter meltdown in the store...it's bound to happen, sooner or later. And the best of Moms? They'll have meltdowns, too. I think we all deserve a break now & again and this woman...out of her freakin' mind.

Lindsay said...

wow this lady needs to have a kid and get a reality check. I remember judging people before I was married or had Sammy. I would think wow that kid is a handful or thinking it was embarrassing for the parents.. Now I know that there really isn't a whole lot of control over it. I am not one to take Sammy to tons of stores but I do take him with me to get the essentials. He has thrown a few fits in his day. He tends to only throw fits when its time to leave somewhere he is not ready to leave.

I don't agree w/ the anonymous commenter above though... if they are throwing a fit and over the age of 2 you shouldn't give them something to distract them.. thats just feeding the tantrums in my opinion. Parents ignore tantrums because that is the quickest way for the kids to get over them. I am not saying shop around as long as you like with your child is screaming. But if they are screaming it doesn't mean you should walk right out or give them something until they stop crying. At least that is what has worked for me.

Now if someone wants to pay for a babysitter.. I will gladly do my grocery shopping without a 2 year old :-P Mostly because I can stop and think and compare prices with out telling him what we are buying it for for the 100th time ;-)

Badger Mom said...

I read about this when I first saw your link on Twitter about it. I started reading and then stopped - it just annoyed me so much.

Okay here are my thoughts.

1) To the blogger/cashier that wrote the post:

Stop being an unmarried marriage counselor. If you don't have kids, then just shut the hell up with your opinions until you're in the same situation and have experience in the matter, and THEN you can speak with authority. You are a cashier. Those parents and kids pass through your checkout and then go on with their lives. You don't have to go home with them and you're detached from the family and full situation. Standing there, checking people out for 5 minutes max does NOT give you the full story. The kids could be hungry, cranky, having a bad day, etc. The parent has their own methods of dealing with it. DON'T BUTT IN WITH YOUR IDIOTIC COMMENTS AND CLUELESS OBSERVATIONS! You are only making it worse.

2) To the commenter that clearly has raised a "perfect" child:

I'm so very glad for you that you have managed to raise the "perfect" child who gives you no problems whatsoever in public. Or probably even in your own home. Can you please tell the rest of us where you have gotten the sedatives that you are using because I'm sure we will all want to stock up since they appear to be doing such a bang up job. Also, I commend you on your ability to have reliable babysitters at your beck and call so that you can go to the store, the bank, the doctor, where ever, all without your children because obviously, as you said, you don't bring them out in public if they don't know how to behave. Considering that they ARE children however, and children by nature are immature little being, they can be inconsistent. And since you don't know in advance if they will or will not behave, I'm sure you prefer to leave them at home with someone instead of bringing them with you. Unfortunately, there are parents out there (myself included) that don't have the luxury to leave our children in the care of others when we have to go about our daily business. Believe me, I would LOVE to go grocery shopping in the relative peace and quiet of my own thoughts and just the squeaky wheels of the shopping cart. But no, I am forced to bring my children with me where ever I go as I also homeschool them and therefore I am with them 24/7. But in order to be better at peace with my soul and to save a little on my hearing, I have decided that I shall direct my children that whenever they feel the need to throw a very loud tantrem, they should look around first and spot someone that clearly looks like the "perfect" parent and SCREAM in their direction, focusing all of their pent up frustration in a streamlined blast. This should help ease their emotional discomfort while serving my twisted amusement. And perhaps it will also show you that not every child is a "perfect" child but simply a NORMAL child. One who is not left at home constantly for the convenience of their parents, and not under sedation.

Riding the Roller Coaster said...

If that woman says her child has never thrown a tantrum, then she is either blatantly lying or she doesn't spend enough time with her kid. I don't know of any mother who hasn't had to deal with her child throwing a tantrum in the store. And I am soooo that mom who smiles with empathy when I see another mom at the store with a screaming kid. Us moms gotta stick together right?

Erin said...

"Ohnoshedi-int." Ditto.

I don't even know what to say to that. Children have tantrums because they do not have the communication skills to portray their feelings or just because they are children. It is absolutely ridiculous to tell parents to keep their children at home. How else are they going to LEARN how to behave? Seriously, what is wrong with people.

Jennifer-Eighty MPH Mom said...

Uhhh yeah. Even if it's not a full-blown tantrum, I think any child has or will have some sort of meltdown in a public place. I have been there and it is no fun.

I do agree with a few others that it is bothersome when a kid is having a tantrum and the parent seems oblivious to it. I think that is what annoys other shoppers, after it's been going on awhile.

Kids aren't perfect, and parents aren't perfect. All you can do is make an effort to calm the child, and if that doesn't work, take them out of the public place.

Kids are unpredictable...it doesn't matter if that commenter thinks they haven't been raised "right"...that is ludicrous!

Rebecca D said...

This kind of stuff drives me crazy... First of all, the logic is flawed... How, may I ask, would a child LEARN how to act in public, if he never GOES into public places... Does she really think parenting only takes place at home? How exactly is that susposed to work? Is parenting always pretty... clearly not. If anyone had told me one of my offspring would "finger paint" their bedroom in feces I would have run screaming... It really is a dirty job, (literally and figurativly) but worth it... What about rude sales people... I think they should stay home... you make just above minimum wage... get off your high horses already. If I come into your store with a messy pony-tail, mud on my coat and a frazzled look, maybe it is because I am teaching teens how to drive... (insert anyother parenting situation here...)

Ant to that commenter... clealy she got a very docle, easy going child for her first born... We can all relish in the knowledge that she will think this is due to her exceptional parenting skills and will undoubtedly have more children.... silly her...

I'll hop off my soap-box now...

Honey B. said...

I so could be that person, but I don't dare even THINK it, because I just know, my time is coming....lol

Sarah said...

Temper tantrums are a part of childhood, I think. I don't believe this woman for one second. Please. It's impossible!

Messy Mommy said...

My kids NEVER throw tantrums. They're perfect in every way. Raven does NOT throw herself on the floor and cry at the grocery store when I won't buy her candy. Otter does NOT throw a screaming fit when I forget his clothes for gymnastics. No never. They're perfect. :) What a crock of crap!

mama of 4 said...

I have 4 kiddos, They have all thrown fits in all manner of public places.. Some worse than others.. I think my 4 year old is probably the most dramatic of the bunch and we get fits ALL the time. When we can we ignore it... (all she wants is the attention). When we can we leave, but we do have to eat which means we have to go through the grocery store. But at the same time, If our kids throw a fit and so we never take them out, How will they learn to behave in public?? Hell sometimes I think my MIL never took my hubby anywhere cause he can throw a pretty good man fit sometimes LOL.

Laura said...

well, I dont have children of my own.

However, I remember the look MY Mother would give us if we werent behaving properly in public. It made us stop in our tracks!

Im 46 years old and she STILL gives me that look - it still works! lol

Meg from Megs A Mommy! said...

Good Lord. When that lady has kids, I hope that she gets the one that is very outgoing about their feelings!! =D

I think it depends on the child, ya know? I never had a tantrum in public, because I was painfully shy and really only talked to my family...my sister on the other hand was VERY opinionated and didn't care who was around to see! Ha!

Heck, L is only 10 months old and he had a tantrum during our walk today because he didn't want to ride in the stroller!

I absolutely hate women like this...and it's probably why I don't along with many.

gina said...

impossible. unless she is one of those moms who buys her kiddos an actual toy- 20-60 dollar range EVERY time they go in a store- I know some of those women. CRAZY. I have shopped through TONS of fits- 4 girls in 10 years?! Pulheez- but i have only ever left because of one, once. And only because we were just joy shopping at Target- I didn't actually need anything and I couldn't physically carry my then 3 yo slung over my shoulder kicking and screaming around Target just to window shop.(Although I did, for 20 minutes, then i was too exhausted. But I never leave- that would be rewarding the fit.)



I had SECURITY come stand next to me and Mackenna in Walmart once because she was screaming- like BLOOD curddling screams because , I don't even remember why. I think Walmart was nervous I'd snap and kill her, because I was so calm, ignoring her, waiting in line. I got many looks from people THAT day, but they were all knowing looks. :) Turns out- the next day, i find out she has strep throat. poor thing. :(

Tracie said...

Has her child been medically sedated? They are both asking for it from Karma. I used to judge people's kids before I had my own. Big mistake!

Chrissy MacCEO said...

My oh my! I ditto you all the way! Kids are kids--they all throw fits. I hope Karma bites that cashier in the ass and blesses her with whining-sacks-of-doo-doo kids!

Heather @ boy, girl, and a pug said...

Hmmmm, ok so I'm going to be honest. My kids are pretty good out in public. I think K has thrown a fit maybe once or twice and E never has. But, that being said, I have never, ever judged a mama who is in that boat. In fact, I'm one of the moms that wants to run over and help or give her a hug or something. I don't think it has anything to do with good or bad parenting. Kids are kids. Lots of factors affect how they behave. You should never judge. You never know when it will happen to you! In fact, I probably just jinxed myself!

I am so calling you when both of my kids throw a fit in the store this week!

morewineplease said...

OH LORD!!! I have to tell you, my first child who is now 11, has still to this day, never ever thrown a fit.. and at one time, I may or may not have said the same thing this commentor you posted about said... THEN I HAD THE DIVA.. we have named the trantrums WAFs (wild ass fits), anything can set her off, and I don't think it has much to do with my parenting skills, its just her.

I dare her to have another child :)